Not Sure About Anything

Last night
While dreaming I could fly
A realization flooded over me
The one flying
May not have been me.

My eyes were overhead
Watching something fly
Over forests and rivers

Understanding
That if I am watching something
Fly below
Then I myself
Must be flying as well

So, yes…
That was me flying
But,
Where was I going?

Photograph by me. Multiple exposures on one frame, in-camera.

Difference is Subjective

Everything was new
When I was new
ANd i kNew it WAs nEw

Looking across the sky
Again. For the 22627th time
Something keeps telling me
“tHis iS oLD”

The old
See afresh
The value of a “day”
When everything
iS nEW

On the evening I made this multiple exposure photo. The birds circled…so I put them around the moon…the old old moon. Then, nested them gently between the breasts of the distant mountains. The ancient ancient mountains. It was a moment unlike any other I had ever come to love.

Just “The Doing”

Standing at the window
Between nothing and everything
This thin membrane
Protecting the nothing
Before everything
Explodes inside my head

An abrupt impulse
Fires linear intent
Diverted into outer space
Returning white hot
Altered
Indistinguishable

Am I outside?
Or inside
The outside?

Weeping
Without tears
I walk into the water
Breathing and suffocating
Completely
Peacefully

Desires call out
Call in.
Stay with me,
For more than a moment!
Holding the pen
With all my strength
I watch the ink
Disperse into vapor

Such is the life of an introvert who is hopelessly seeking a creative outlet. When one also realizes that there is some attention deficit raging behind the scenes, it can be a struggle to stay on task. My thoughts become sparklers and exploding fireworks. It can be difficult to keep up.
Introversion is not bad. It is simply a way some of us cope with the world and its demands. Unlike the extrovert that draws energy from others, the introvert finds the expenditure of social energy to be draining. It is not an applied “fault” mechanism. It is just the way the brain is wired.
The paradigm is more about being thoughtful to establish a sense of self, made by the self. Other thoughts are welcomed, but if they do not benefit, they are stored for review, but not implemented.
Yesterday, I started some music production/composition that is well beyond my capabilities. I do not read music, neither have I studied theory. Not that I do not want to….I just lack the attention span to grasp the concepts required for implementation. So, I wing it. Self taught/practiced.
I wish it were different. But, as we all learn, wishing rarely accomplishes anything without “the doing.”
So with all its trouble and angst I practice just “the doing.”
Anyone else out there deal with this?
Peace.

Secret Escape

Oh my daughter
By light’s waning do I see you fly.

Under the cover of secrecy
Does the heart push us to risk and danger.

How many times
Must I die this death?

To quell the strength
Of authority and dominion
The realm of balance
Tears at the heart.

Love has no bounds,
Is strongest when silent
And most practical
When spoken
Only in the right moment

Yeah….not sure why this ekphrastic went here. Both of our daughters left the nest some time ago. Just a memoir I suppose.

Photo is a multiple exposure using a cheap $150 mirror lens. Fun, but a fairly steep learning curve.

Twilight

We walk lightly
Among the driven
Out of place
Out of step
Perceptibly
Standing in place

Weak
Simple
Amused by the banal

Ignoring
The trends
Unglued
From the screen
Unchained

We understand
Happiness
Is a lie
Certainly never found
In another
Who should ever carry that weight
Of selfishness

Joy
Is not an outcome
Of circumstance
But of perception
A firm grasp
Of the reality
Of the human experience
And the application of perseverance
To grow something
From the smallest of seeds

I am old, (but not real old) and have found that the requirement of a positive happenstance for happiness is a ruse mostly perpetuated by commercial advertising.

Changed

Traffic billows
Clouds of disagreement
Heat rising from its midnight
Fumaroles to be embraced
While slowly killing us

This short journey quickly ends
Beyond the bounds
Of the enchanted forest
Where I will be changed again
To a time when everything was wonder

The door slams
Feet hit the pavement
And time begins to slow
A swirl of life
Circles about my head

Men and women in spandex
Bicycle to conquer
Run to escape and to find
Newer selves
Changed in heaving breaths
Pushing out the old self

Beyond the fumaroles
Lies the path
That will swallow me whole
And without a sound
Will make me a child again

When I started making photographs, I rediscovered the child in me. Easily impressed with life forms….like the simple guppy. A few days ago I witnessed a hummingbird courting his mate. He flew high and hovered, then swooshed down. During his upturn, his tail feathers made a “chirp” sound. A physical manifestation created at almost 9G’s of force. The forest is full of stories like that.

Into the Sun

The path to your house
Well worn
Tamped down
By rabbit and wolf
Compels the feet
Step lightly
Swiftly

The journey
Stretched long
Like the tanning
Of the rattler
Bites relentlessly
That beautiful poison
Of anticipation

It’s that moment
When eyes meet
The relief
When held tight
To die wonderfully
Of days past