Not Sure About Anything

Last night
While dreaming I could fly
A realization flooded over me
The one flying
May not have been me.

My eyes were overhead
Watching something fly
Over forests and rivers

Understanding
That if I am watching something
Fly below
Then I myself
Must be flying as well

So, yes…
That was me flying
But,
Where was I going?

Photograph by me. Multiple exposures on one frame, in-camera.

Dream Sequence4

Quiet in There, Go to Sleep!

My mother would need to deliver that line to us every single night. Four boys in one room will not stay silent very long.
The concept of “going to sleep” is an interesting idea when we think about it. Is it a place….like Paris? Sleep is not tangible, yet we say ” I need to get some sleep”. We can’t touch it, but we know when we’ve had it. We have it even though we cannot touch it….yet… it touches us.

When we are very young we hate it. When we are adults we like it, but ignore it. When we get older we can’t ignore it.

Maybe, “having it” is the impossibility. “Experiencing it” is more appropriate. We experience it, then we are done with it for a time.

Sleep is my next project. Not to “go there”….to that sub conscious wonderland where we dream and work out our anxieties. Rather, to send others there. Either with eyes open in meditation (conscious sleep), or in the traditional sense.

This video is a rough draft of what will be a much longer rendition to take the viewer/hearer to that end.

Sometimes we just see frames and the imaginary worlds these frames make before our eyes.

Music composed from sampled “phrases” and added nuances.

Difference is Subjective

Everything was new
When I was new
ANd i kNew it WAs nEw

Looking across the sky
Again. For the 22627th time
Something keeps telling me
“tHis iS oLD”

The old
See afresh
The value of a “day”
When everything
iS nEW

On the evening I made this multiple exposure photo. The birds circled…so I put them around the moon…the old old moon. Then, nested them gently between the breasts of the distant mountains. The ancient ancient mountains. It was a moment unlike any other I had ever come to love.

Just “The Doing”

Standing at the window
Between nothing and everything
This thin membrane
Protecting the nothing
Before everything
Explodes inside my head

An abrupt impulse
Fires linear intent
Diverted into outer space
Returning white hot
Altered
Indistinguishable

Am I outside?
Or inside
The outside?

Weeping
Without tears
I walk into the water
Breathing and suffocating
Completely
Peacefully

Desires call out
Call in.
Stay with me,
For more than a moment!
Holding the pen
With all my strength
I watch the ink
Disperse into vapor

Such is the life of an introvert who is hopelessly seeking a creative outlet. When one also realizes that there is some attention deficit raging behind the scenes, it can be a struggle to stay on task. My thoughts become sparklers and exploding fireworks. It can be difficult to keep up.
Introversion is not bad. It is simply a way some of us cope with the world and its demands. Unlike the extrovert that draws energy from others, the introvert finds the expenditure of social energy to be draining. It is not an applied “fault” mechanism. It is just the way the brain is wired.
The paradigm is more about being thoughtful to establish a sense of self, made by the self. Other thoughts are welcomed, but if they do not benefit, they are stored for review, but not implemented.
Yesterday, I started some music production/composition that is well beyond my capabilities. I do not read music, neither have I studied theory. Not that I do not want to….I just lack the attention span to grasp the concepts required for implementation. So, I wing it. Self taught/practiced.
I wish it were different. But, as we all learn, wishing rarely accomplishes anything without “the doing.”
So with all its trouble and angst I practice just “the doing.”
Anyone else out there deal with this?
Peace.

Rylee McNiff

Read a beautifully written poem by this young person this morning on Rattle.

The submission process asks: Why do you like to write poetry? The answer: Rylee McNiff: “Because when it rains on the 4th of July but you still light sparklers on the porch while your dad reads a James Patterson novel.”

What a wonderful response!

Excerpt:
i’m dizzy. i’m dizzy all the time.
i take in the breath you left behind
stash it under my tongue—
suck on your toothbrush
like a man and his dip

The rest is here:
https://www.rattle.com/my-name-is-love-and-im-an-amputee-by-rylee-mcniff/

Secret Escape

Oh my daughter
By light’s waning do I see you fly.

Under the cover of secrecy
Does the heart push us to risk and danger.

How many times
Must I die this death?

To quell the strength
Of authority and dominion
The realm of balance
Tears at the heart.

Love has no bounds,
Is strongest when silent
And most practical
When spoken
Only in the right moment

Yeah….not sure why this ekphrastic went here. Both of our daughters left the nest some time ago. Just a memoir I suppose.

Photo is a multiple exposure using a cheap $150 mirror lens. Fun, but a fairly steep learning curve.

Mission Trails – A Walk in the Park

In December, it will be ten years since I put this photo-book together. It was a labor of love for the regional park that has inspired so much of my photography.
It was also part of a charitable drive. Proceeds from those initial sales were forwarded to the Mission Trails Regional Park Foundation.
There are many projects floating around in my head at the moment. “Start painting again….finish mounting current prints…write more music….make more nature videos…create more nature videos with music….produce more instructional videos for photography.”
And now….update “A Walk In The Park” with “A Walk In The Park II.”
The cover photograph was made before I jumped into multiple exposures. It is a long exposure piece made with many filters to slow down the shutter. When this is applied to the work, light becomes clay in the hands of the photographer and the camera can be moved around at will (with intention, not hap-hazard).
The original is linked below for review.