It’s an intestinal thing
Guts telling me what is what
Surveying the landscape
Pairs are everywhere

In the air
On the ground

A single shadow
As tall as a eucalyptus

The dreaded pang
Grips the soul
Without conscience
Or intent
It just is

Perception triggers chemicals
Small voices speak
You are
“You are.”
A most horrible, immutable declaration?

Over the chasm
Balanced on the taught line
My love for being alone
Staying focused, on the line
And becoming lonely,
Falling headlong
Into the chasm

Over the last several years it has become apparent that I have some sort of focusing “disorder”, although fully functional in the work environment. But when my time is my own, I go to multiple expressive outlets for peace and self-understanding. This “syndrome” requires “plate spinning” when it comes to important relationships.
To walk away from these expressive outlets leaves me unfulfilled. But to lose someone I love dearly to these addictions would be a fate worse than death.
So, a wide view and awareness is always required.
Nothing is more valuable than when someone says “I love you” or “let’s do something together”.

Ordered Chaos

I might be too old to write about the birds and the bees. That’s alright. I went ahead and added some music and video just to confirm what I already knew. It’s the little things that make life interesting. I wrote a poem for this project, forgot about it, then wrote another one with a slightly different perspective. They’re both here:

“Ordered Chaos”

We are obsessively enslaved
To our own sense of place and order
Every room has a function
Every place, a purpose

Rarely do we consider
The genius of nature’s chaos

Song sparrows
Sing for a mate
And in the same spot
A rabbit is torn
Limb from limb
To feed a coyote

In that same spot
Sweet pea feeds a hungry bee
In symbiotic friendship

Grass dies quickly
Tree claims victory,
Sleeps during the cold months
And again fights
Grass’ resurrection in the spring

We see disorder
Because we are blind
To what real order can be
We are disruptions to harmony

Listen to the song
Join the chorus

Birds called to me
Singing songs of lifted joy
“You must have seen her!
This path
Of long lost journeys.

Her beautiful legs
Now brightly adorned
In skirted magic
All aglow in purple
And yellow
Brighter than the sun.

Even the bees
Can’t escape
Her seductive sweetness
Drawn to her
Hopelessly hypnotized.

Have you ever seen
Such full, thick trim?
By gentle breezes
By fiddle-necks and mustard

Is drawn to her now.
Even you.
You have no answer for it
Neither have you the will
To fight away
Her calling”

The Video:

Ordered Chaos from Mark Wade on Vimeo.


Red were those evenings
That year was to be extraordinary
Although, being my first
I had no idea
And to this day
Everything has changed

It was 2009, or maybe 2008. Not sure any more, and it really doesn’t matter. I could position myself north of our little lake and wait for the ducks to fly in. It occurred like clockwork for many days. The sun would have fallen and I would stand in the shadows making multiple exposure dreamscapes with these fast flyers. What a rush.
I have tried many times to recreate that scenario only to wait in total futility.

She Said

In the beginning act of the movie “The Princess Bride”, whenever Wesley says “as you wish”, Buttercup begins to understand that what he means is “I love you”. This works so well (imo) because it is a truth played out in life. The pursuit of a mate has not changed much over time. In a society where we choose our mates, we typically take it cautiously, looking for signs of reciprocation before being “completely” honest. It just saves a lot of awkwardness.
Or was that just me?
My mother tells me the story of how my grandmother was essentially “kidnapped” into marrying, at the hands of a powerful man in her South American country. Grandmother eventually fled to this country with her children. My mom was sixteen years old at that time. It’s from her that I own a significant amount of Inca heritage in my DNA.
For this song, I thought back to the early part of a budding friendship that ultimately became a marriage. We both went slow and weren’t actually “looking”. But there is a point when you know something is forming that is stronger than your resistance. You can give in to it, or you can fight it.
This song is inspired from the specific moment when we first kissed and embraced. We were standing on Del Amo Boulevard by her ’66 Mustang. I told her “I like you. A lot. Don’t leave.” Everything goes in slow motion when you open up. A thousand fears race through your head, but you’re done with pretending something isn’t there. A short, silent eternity passed “waiting” for one another to make the first move and in the end, it was mutual, and very passionate.
Undoubtedly, that was a romantic encounter. But as I wrote last month for Valentine’s Day, romance within the context of practicing love takes on more powerful meaning as time goes by. (I may have not stated all of that, but that’s what I meant)
That young love has long gone away and made way for the practiced type that requires more than words and kisses. This song includes both of those thoughts and wishes.

She Said

I will never leave you 
And I’ll love you forever
I will never leave you 
And I’ll love you forever

If we have lunch together
It don’t mean nuthin’
Don’t mean a thing
You don’t need to call me
And we’ll just split the bill 

I will never leave you 
And I’ll love you forever
I will never leave you 
And I’ll love you forever

Tell me ’bout the books you read
Though I’m not, much of a reader
Just want to hear your voice
To imagine the places you go

I will never leave you 
And I’ll love you forever
I will never leave you 
And I’ll love you forever

Can I walk you to your car
And tell you how much I really like you
If I kiss you on the street
Will you run away from me

She said
Never say never
And forever is a long time
She said
Never say never
And forever is a long time
She said

Hear it here:

She Said – from Mark Wade on Vimeo.

Photograph “A Pair” – Two phoebe during spring rituals.

Wake Me Up

Had a weird dream this morning that I had submitted work to the SD Fair Juried Exhibition.

Funny, because I keep telling myself not to do that. I don’t fit any of the categories….too abstract for nature and enough realism to get booted from abstract.

Wait, what?! It wasn’t a dream?! So weak.

(In William Shatner – Capt. Kirk voice) ….”must get coffee”.