Just “The Doing”

Standing at the window
Between nothing and everything
This thin membrane
Protecting the nothing
Before everything
Explodes inside my head

An abrupt impulse
Fires linear intent
Diverted into outer space
Returning white hot
Altered
Indistinguishable

Am I outside?
Or inside
The outside?

Weeping
Without tears
I walk into the water
Breathing and suffocating
Completely
Peacefully

Desires call out
Call in.
Stay with me,
For more than a moment!
Holding the pen
With all my strength
I watch the ink
Disperse into vapor

Such is the life of an introvert who is hopelessly seeking a creative outlet. When one also realizes that there is some attention deficit raging behind the scenes, it can be a struggle to stay on task. My thoughts become sparklers and exploding fireworks. It can be difficult to keep up.
Introversion is not bad. It is simply a way some of us cope with the world and its demands. Unlike the extrovert that draws energy from others, the introvert finds the expenditure of social energy to be draining. It is not an applied “fault” mechanism. It is just the way the brain is wired.
The paradigm is more about being thoughtful to establish a sense of self, made by the self. Other thoughts are welcomed, but if they do not benefit, they are stored for review, but not implemented.
Yesterday, I started some music production/composition that is well beyond my capabilities. I do not read music, neither have I studied theory. Not that I do not want to….I just lack the attention span to grasp the concepts required for implementation. So, I wing it. Self taught/practiced.
I wish it were different. But, as we all learn, wishing rarely accomplishes anything without “the doing.”
So with all its trouble and angst I practice just “the doing.”
Anyone else out there deal with this?
Peace.

5 Comments

    1. What’s most interesting to me is the hyper-focus that happens at work. Staying on task by shutting out virtually everything and everybody. If someone asks me a question, I must look like I have no soul when I get into that trance.
      Art is a different animal, full of fight and constant running…and beckoning. A drug…..a positive drug, but a drug nonetheless.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I struggle with the attention span but I wonder how much is attributed to sitting in front a screen with a web browser that is a window into a million distractions. I always try to organize things as much as possible to keep me on track because at some point, The Doing makes no sense anymore without it. Needless to say, it’s very often a painfully slow process to reach clarity…

    Like

    1. I agree. The ease of optional directions for any specific project has presented its own set of decision additives. That is one reason why I like to self print. It brings some direction as to what happens next.
      It’s interesting to see the Lightroom/PS type of organizing. Being able to reach back with tags should be a very strong tool considering the sheer quantity of images that can be produced. My system is not as involved, but also includes deleting many images and only keeping a few.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.